The Vacation Part 2 (Hoi An)

Hoi An is a small little touristy town near the coast of the South China Sea - about 30 minutes from Danang, and it was our next destination after Halong Bay. Unfortunately, it rained the entire time we were in Hoi An, (In fact, Hoi An marked the beginning of 10 straight days of rain) but even with the rain, we still had a blast. We highly recommend Hoi An to anyone - especially if you're looking for tailor-made clothing. 2-3 days is plenty, though.

Our plan for getting to Hoi An was to arrive in Hanoi around 6 PM, grab a bite to eat, and then grab a cab to the train station where we could take the overnight train to Hoi An. This plan seemed sound enough, and likely would have worked on any other night, but this night just happened to be the night of the big soccer match between Vietnam and Thailand. Vietnam won the match, and their favorite way to celebrate a big victory in soccer is to take to the streets and cruise around on the motorbikes waving flags, honking their horns and yelling. It was actually pretty cool to witness, but it also meant that no taxi would be able to drive through that mess.

The manager of the restaurant where we had dinner had a plan. He called up five of his friends and within minutes, Five Vietnamese on motorbikes showed up and were motioning for us to hop on their bikes. The plan was that we would each hop on the back of a bike with our backpacks on and these drivers would navigate through the mayhem to get us to our train on time. With my full pack, I barely fit on the back of my bike, but the craziest thing was that we had six people and only 5 bikes, so Clint and Jackie were forced to share a bike. They had Clint's big pack in front of the driver, Clint sat behind the driver, and Jackie wearing her huge pack sat in terror behind Clint. Seeing the fear in her eyes, Becca walked up to Jackie, looked her in the eyes, and said, "YOU CAN DO THIS!" And with that, we were off.

I can't really describe the ride in a way that would truly do it justice. It was terrifying as all hell, but it was als one of the most exhilirating experiences I've ever had. We were weaving in and out of traffic - almost crashing into cars and other motorbikes at every turn. It's pretty unfathomable - there doesn't seem to be any traffic laws. All cars and bikes and pedestrians are going in all directions at the same time. It seems like a recipe for disaster, but somehow it just works. Everyone just keeps moving forward, and nobody hits each other. It's nuts. We crossed through the heart of the revelers to get to the train. And we all got to the train station in time to catch our overnight ride to Hoi An.

It was Christmas Eve, and we spent it riding in a sleeper car for 13 hours. It was actually pretty comfortable as far as train rides go. The toilets were nasty as all hell - required some serious hovering skills for certain tasks, but it was a good experience. Clint still claims that the night train was the best sleep he got all trip. We arrived in Danang the next day, and from there we took a taxi to Hoi An.

We were all very excited to check out Hoi An. It is a really cute town with a great vibe, good restaurants, and hundreds of tailors where you can get custom made clothes for next to nothing. Before we could check it out, though, we needed to check into our hotel. We had reservations at the Greenfield. As soon as we walked in, you could see all three of the girls faces turn sour. The place had a weird musty smell, and the rooms weren't super clean. Clint and Jackie's room actually had some strange goo that was dripping from the ceiling. We all agreed that the hotel was nasty, so we decided to just go out and find a new place.

After looking around a bit, we stumbled upon the Vietnam Village resort. From first glance, the place looked great (to me), so we took it. After a while though, we began to notice that something was a bit off with this hotel. It turns out that the hotel was designed to be set within a mock functioning Vietnamese village. Guests could leave their hotel rooms and go down into the mock village to watch mock villagers do their mock thing. The problem was that clearly the hotel never really took off, and the mock village that had be created for the guests to visit was completely abandoned save for the two water buffalo that wandered the grounds. We asked some locals about it, and they said that the hotel initially pumped a lot of money into creating this village environment. They hired all sorts of people to be villagers. And then they came to the sad realization that travelers to Hoi An don't want to live in a Vietnamese village. They want to stay in a hotel.

Of course, we were staying in the Vietnamese Village, but because the whole operation wasn't really functioning, we felt more like we were staying in a dead hotel. It was sort of creepy and sad everywhere you looked. And while the room that Bergie and I had was decent, the others had less luck. Becca couldn't sleep in her room because she could swear that she could feel the mold spores filling her lungs. And Clint and Jackie eventually had to switch hotels because some sort of animal peed on their pillow. (Yes - PEED!!)

Aside from the lodging debacle, Hoi An was otherwise fantastic. The place seems to built entirely for tourism, but that didn't really diminish it. The buildings are neat. The place is colorful. It's just a fun place to wander. We all went to the tailors and got clothes made. We ate at some fantastic restaurants - stuffing ourselves on Pho, spring rolls, and steam boats (a spicy Vietnamese soup that is delicious). And we just walked all over town checking things out.

The tailor experience is especially funny. Every store you walk into, they immediately give you the hard sell. "You want suit? You want jacket? I make. High quality. You want Armani? No problem. I make. Same same, but different." Of course, I had never had a suit of my own, so I definitely wanted one. I picked out my fabric for the suit, the jacket lining, and the shirts, and then they began fitting me.

Juggy and I were getting fitted at the same time, which prompted them to compare us. They said, "He very tall and thin." Then they patted me on the stomach and simply said, "Happy Buddha." Now, the first time that happened it was funny. But that proceeded to happen several more times in Vietnam. Random Vietnamese would point at me or reach out and pat my stomach and say, "Happy Buddha." Now, I know I could stand to lose some weight, but damn - did they really need to walk right up to me and say, "You're fat?" At one point a random guy walked up to me and said "Happy Buddha," and I just pointed to him and replied, "Short, skinny jerk!" I doubt he understood me, but it made me feel better.

Our suits and clothes were ready the next day, and they actually looked pretty good for clothes that were created in less than 24 hours. We did have to go back several times for alterations, but after it was all said and done, we all walked away with some pretty nice stuff for a fraction of the price we'd pay in the States. Unfortunately for me, though, I somehow misplaced my garment bag with my suit somewhere in Bangkok. So even after all that, I still don't have my own suit. WEAK!

After three days of playing around in the tailor shops, we were done with Hoi An. Our final Vietnamese destination was next - Hue. (To be continued)